It's All Wilhelm's Fault
by Saravelda
Summary: See what that stupid pretty boy does to people? Just look at what's about to happen to poor Momo!MOMO X just about everyone. A bit OOC in many places. Chaos' point of view.


Saravelda's Notes: Wow, it's been forever since I last put up a story here. Even longer since I started a multi chapter one. This is just a crazy idea born off of a combination between hillariously suggestive fanart and an AIM conversation with my friend. Enjoy. **  
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**Introduction: Why Wilhelm is a Moron**

Just so there is no confusion whatsoever as to whose fault this all is, I'd like to clarify right now that we have every right to blame Wilhelm. That's right, all you fangirls of my brother, other half, arch nemesis or whatever you'd like to call him, all of this was his doing.

Okay, so I lie. A small tiny tidbit was Kevin's fault, but we don't speak of this. At least, we don't speak of this yet.

It all started one fateful day when the Vector CEO himself and I were having a lovely little chat in his office. Quite a big office, if I do say so myself- puts my quarters on the Elsa to shame, really. Anyway, that isn't the important part. The important part was how he interrupted our nice fuzzy brotherly conversation about robot babes and space cruisers, and our nice mugs of hot chocolate (with marshmallows, of course), to bring out his little toy.

Yes indeed, he took that hunk of junk Compass of Order out again just to gloat. Just because mommy liked him best…. I've never fully recovered from that you know. Anyway, being the moron that my older brother is, he decided after he was finished gloating to put the thing back on his desk. Now, if there's one thing I learned on my time aboard that stinky, cramped claustrophobic nightmare with a crew of all men, it was never put something valuable on the table. Bad things just happen when you put expensive things on the table in the presence of other men. You would think that after four thousand years he would know this. You would think that after the 2,384th time I tried to steal it from him (because I just can't get over the fact that mommy liked him best), he would learn not to put in on the table- especially in my presence.

Well, I didn't steal it. I didn't have to, mostly because my brother is such a bonehead. You would think he would have been more careful as much as he worships the thing. I've never understood it really. The guy has swarms of girls waiting to do anything from go out for the evening to jump into bed with him and much, much more. So what does Wilhelm do? He sits up in his office and looks at that stupid compass. Seriously, it's not _that_ pretty. I would have gone with the chicks. However no chicks look at me, the way they look at him. It's all because of the spandex. A guy puts on a few spandex garments and everyone thinks he's a flaming homosexual. Well, I'm not, but the chicks think I am. Well, all except for that robot chick. She doesn't think anything of me.

That's not the point though. The point is how Wilhelm's an idiot and how this whole fiasco came into being. Well, after he puts the Compass of Order on the table, he casually begins the conversations again.

"So, you've been traveling with that Shion girl for awhile, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so. It's not going anywhere though; she's kind of a nymphomaniac…. Then there's this guy who follows her around like a lost puppy all the time. I think my chances are limited" I reply casually. Why he always has to rub in my ineptness when it comes to girls is beyond me.

"What about KOS MOS?" He replies in his own way. Those sickening red eyes were just gleaming with satisfaction.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? She's not built for that, pervert."

Well, this is when the jerk reaches for another swig of his hot chocolate (probably laced with something. I mean, what type of psycho resurrects people while he's not high?). Immediately upon contact with his mouth, he drops the mug and shouts some obscene sentence about how there's not nearly enough marshmallows in his drink. Well, while he's shouting, I have a bit of a bigger problem on my hands. The mug immediately hits the desk, conveniently square atop the Compass, and shatters into a bazillion pieces. Putting aside the resentment I felt as that was the mug I gave to him on his 3987th birthday, I had to scrape the poor coco covered creature off the floor as he realized the truth.

"Yes, idiot, you broke the Compass of Order." I reminded him, taking my chance to gloat. Hey, it doesn't happen to often, so I take my moments.

"Who says I'm upset about the Compass?" He inquired with a completely dumbfounded look on his face. I began to get my hopes up that maybe this was about the mug.

"It scratched my pretty table!" Those hopes were quickly dashed.

"You aren't at all concerned with the invaluable object sitting in three pieces on your desk?" I asked- pretty annoyed by this point. Indeed, with the impact of the hot chocolate mug against the object, two small pieces were broken off. Just when I thought he couldn't do anything more stupid…he picks up the two small pieces and throws them in the wastebasket.

"You just threw two pieces of the most valuable and powerful object in existence…in the garbage bin." I stared at him with my mouth agape.

"Oh posh." He dismissed my accusation as though it were nothing. "Kevi- I mean, the Red Testament will be here shortly to empty the garbage, and all will be well".

Indeed, as if on cue, Kevi- I mean, the Red Testament came walking silently and creepy as ever to get the wastebasket. Why my brother thought resurrecting people for house chores was amusing, I'll never figure out. Wouldn't it just be easier for him to take the trash out himself? At any rate, as soon as Kevi- I mean, the Red Testament picked up the wastebasket and peered inside, maniacal laughter ensued. I figured, against my better judgment, I should just leave at this point. Okay, okay, you caught me; I was just going to go spy on Crimson Cape over there. So I made up some sort of absurd excuse that involved Momo, Shelley, and Jell-o. Only an idiot would have believed it.

"Isn't Momo a bit young for you? Going pedophile, are we?" Have you forgotten that my brother's an idiot? "I'm going to tell mommy!" How many times must I remind you?

Well, I reminded him that he'll do no such thing, unless Mommy also wanted to know about Nephilim. Mommy never much did like Nephilim. She wouldn't approve at all.

I judged from the shocked look on his face that he took my threat seriously, and that's all I needed. By now I could hear maniacal laughter coming from the direction of Kevi- I mean, the Red Testament's quarters.

Maniacal laughter behind that freak's closed door could mean anything. I was almost too afraid to use my awesome supernatural powers to become the ultimate super ninja and watch him unnoticed. Though only God knows what I would be _watching_ if I opened that door, if you know what I'm saying. Only the bravest…or perhaps the most stupid of all people dared to glimpse beyond that door.

Damn my curiosity…


End file.
